I’ve had fewer words lately. This is out of the ordinary for me, because I love words. Spoken ones and written ones, too. I thought of some to share, then lost them, and I kept losing them.
I haven’t understood this because the thousands of words on this site have had a part in saving my life. Maybe I’m learning a new way of being or maybe it’s a season. Now, I think silence and solitude are saving my life.
When you’re in grad school, words are how you get grades so I force the words. These words flowed from me for a recent assignment. I was asked to give my thoughts about a quote from the book we’re reading called Real Power.
“When you let go, the truth of your life is closer at hand and more likely to emerge.”
Janet O. Hagberg in Real Power
My response to the quote came quickly:
I have experienced this in layers or waves. A recent wave of grief took me by surprise. Instead of standing against it, I let go…and let it take me out into the deep. It was dark and painful, and I didn’t know if I was going to come back up. I felt sick to my stomach for weeks. I am emerging…I have come up for air and making my way back to shore now.
I am emerging. I have come up for air and I know I’m going to be okay. But for a few weeks – I didn’t know.
Shout, Shout, Let It All Out
I share this because I know so many others in the depths of grief right now. I’m not going to give you a checklist of ways to get through it. I’m not going to rush you back to a happy place and I’m not going to give you Bible verses to cling to.
I am going to remind you that we are never alone. Jesus is always with us.
And I will let you know something I’m learning. The Psalms are a great place to look for words when we don’t have any. They are full of lament and grief and asking for answers and expressing anger at the way things are.
It’s okay. God can take all you have to say or shout. He wants to take it.
Photo by Mike Yukhtenko on Unsplash
